Establishing Boundaries in Relationship - Why It Matters
Establish boundaries with your partner
Whenever we hear set boundaries, it's about telling people what they can and can't do in our lives. Well boundaries have a dual purpose - it keeps people out and it also highlights what's important by securing it. Jealousy is the vigilant guard of your relationship. Its appears whenever there is a concern of something or someone jumping the fence. Healthy jealousy heightens our desire for perpetuity - we don't want to lose our partner. Normal jealousy is a pang that comes on in an instant, one which we can usually dismiss on our own.
Relationship issues are very common, but we’re learning how to cope in healthy, productive ways. One of the most powerful ways you can improve your mental health and relationship is to identify your emotional triggers and work on overcoming them.
A boundary can only exist when the priorities and needs of each partner and goals of the relationship is openly discussed and agreed on.
1. Boundary are defined.
Both persons needs must be considered and compromise made where necessary, and equitably. First off, you should always discuss what you expect out of someone, and what you expect to receive.
Everyone has different physical pain thresholds. Same goes for emotional. Let a loved one know there are certain things you will not tolerate: being shouted at, lied to, silenced, or mistrusted – whatever it is, make it known that going past these boundaries is a journey they may not want to take.
Incompatibility and unhealthy relationships can sometimes be helped with open discussion and agreed goals and boundaries. What we keeping out of the relationship (tolerance) and what we keeping in (expectation)
2. Boundaries are hard to change
The boundary of a house is set and can only be changed through a long legal process. Make your relationship the same. Expectations and needs should not be changed by emotional pressuring and whims. When one partner or both keeps moving the line to please themselves - animosity, anger, revenge and unhealthy behaviors appear. These will destroy the same relationship you were trying to maintain.
Can boundaries change?
Are you discussing with your loved one about having children into the relationship? Pets?
For any number of reasons, individuals shift and change. It's important to support who your partner is rather than expecting them to forever remain as you'd like them to be. Appreciate and foster their unique, evolving needs and desires. Sometimes, their changes are temporary (as in a demanding work situation) at other times, the shift might be permanent because of a desire to make a life transition. Regardless of the cause, having your support will add strength to the relationship.
These are generally hard and fast boundaries everyone brings to a relationship, but are unwilling to bring up unless they absolutely have to. Adding to a relationship unit is a huge deal and shouldn’t be left to chance. Talk about who and what you’re willing to add/change into the relationship.
3. Boundary is for privacy
I said it, Privacy! Your relationship involves only you and your partner. So create your fence. Your child is an extension of the relationship (dependent). Your family are external to the relationship (extended family members/in-laws). Your friends are non-members to the relationship.
Because, your loved one should feel safe to express, fears, secrets - all parts and pieces of themselves to you - whether sexually, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially, without being judged and fear that your going tell what was said. The boundary created should be strong enough to protect against hacking.
Relationship Hacking is the act of external, family member or friend gaining access to personal information on your partner to hurt or damage the relationship, through you. They shouldn't think your against them.
You’ll find boundaries in every kind of relationship — from friends and family to colleagues and brief acquaintances. You can’t see them, but these lines help you stay “you” and provide a sense of mutual respect, protection, expectations, and support.
“When it comes to your life as a couple, consider that there are actually three entities involved: yourself, your partner, and the relationship itself — and boundaries need to be defined for each,” says Dr. Jacqui Gabb, professor of sociology and intimacy at The Open University and chief relationships officer with the couples app Paired.
“Each of those three parties needs to be sustained, nourished, and feel respected,” Gabb says.